The Patriarchal Church
Why women make up the majority of the church, yet remain powerless.
An interesting phenomenon takes place among the churches of America and throughout the world. While women make up much more than half of the congregation in most churches, they remain under-represented when it comes to leadership in the church.
Women who aspire to lead are shamed and reminded of their “place” in the church. What is that place? Cook for the potlucks, take care of the children in the nursery, and be “supportive” of the men. Leadership is often limited to teaching Sunday school classes, managing the children’s ministries, playing the piano or organ and singing in the choir. Women are the silent majority in churches dominated by men who make up a smaller portion of the dynamics, yet have a much louder voice.
In extreme churches, the most conservative and fundamental ones, women are not even allowed to vote on church issues. My best friend joined her husband’s church and discovered that even after going through classes and becoming a member, she still could not even cast a vote on a church matter simply because she was a woman. Not only were the women of the church not allowed to be on the church board or become elders, their opinions were not even represented by casting a vote. Perhaps since they outnumbered the men, there was a fear they could still change things if they were allowed even to vote.
So why is this the case? For years I have wondered why being born with particular body parts made certain people inherently more valuable or capable. Pastors and scholars point to passages in the New Testament that say women should remain silent in church and let the men speak and teach.
But what is the logic behind that? Is it possible that had to do with a unique time and place, rather than every church situation from now until the judgment day? If left to defend this position without simply falling back on “the Bible says…” as an argument, what is the reasoning for keeping women silent and in submissive roles?
Are women just not as smart as men? That has certainly been implied by some. I would argue that the fact that there are now more females in colleges and universities than there are male students, and the fact that female students get equally high grades on average, disproves that theory.
Are women just more sinful in nature than men? Another theory I have heard. After all Eve “sinned” first, before Adam. Again I would say if we examine the evidence, it does not hold up. Women have not been shown to be any less moral than men. Women are no more likely to be unfaithful in a relationship than men. Women are no more likely to commit a crime than men.
If anything women tend to be more relational, and therefore more community-oriented, while men are often more independent. The fact that men are more of the classic “loners” and women seek out relationships is probably why there are still more women attending church than men. It’s a place of community and relationship.
So what is this insurmountable difference between the genders? Another defense I have heard for the male-dominant church is that women are just “too emotional” for leadership. Men are really doing us a favor by protecting us from all the emotional turmoil of leadership. Yet women have proven themselves to be capable leaders in the secular realm. Women can manage businesses, lead organizations successfully, and even be capable leaders on the national and international levels. Queen Elizabeth I and Queen Victoria were possibly the greatest monarchs in British history. Neither one succumbed to an emotional breakdown due to the stress of leadership. Yes, they had their flaws and made mistakes, just like male leaders throughout history have done.
In Western culture women have been treated as lesser humans up until within the past century. Progress has been made in so many realms. Women can now vote, own their own business or property, have their own bank accounts, go out un-escorted, and make critical decisions about personal matters such as marriage. Progress continues in areas like equal wages and equal job opportunities with men.
However, the church continues to lag behind. Why is this the case? Why do women who have made gains in so many aspects of their lives settle for sitting silently in the back at church?
The psychology starts early and is constantly reinforced. This is what God wants from women. This is how a woman behaves in a godly manner. Even if it makes no logical sense on its own. Deeply embedded throughout the pages of the Bible is the message that men hold greater value, and so that concept gets taught over and over from one generation to the next. Women even teach it to their daughters.
My mother taught me that a woman should be a wife and a mother. She spoke of “career women” in negative terms as cold aggressive women who didn’t care about their children. The “women’s lib” movement was pointed out as one of the great evils of our time. Just a bunch of women burning bras and wanting to have sex outside of marriage. And so there was a message of shame associated with wanting to be seen as equal to men and wanting the same opportunities in life.
This shaming attitude was perpetuated in churches, in small groups, in Christian colleges, and in reading the Bible itself. It can be hard to rise up when the message is that you shouldn’t, you are not as good, not as valuable, not as capable, and you are “sinning” if you go against the status quo.
I sat in a college class and listened to a male classmate say that while he “wouldn’t actually say” he was glad he was not a woman like the Pharisees did, he had certainly thought that. I was praised by professors for my academic success and abilities, but given little direction or options for a career path. It didn’t matter how smart I was or how well I did in Bible and theology classes. Leadership within the church was for men only.
A counselor I spoke with at college pointed out that I was a “closet feminist.” A frightening idea since “feminist” was equated with all kinds of negative stereotypes. Back to those bra-burning cold-hearted career women who made terrible mothers.
So just sit quietly and wait for a husband? Try that and you will get mocked by all the eligible bachelors of the church. “Those annoying girls; all they care about is having a relationship.” And yet, what was the other option? Career women were bad. Women in the ministry were out of place. Women should focus on being good wives and mothers, somehow without being focused on dating or marriage. Sure, that is an easy directive to follow.
These mixed messages of shame have severely hurt women for decades and continue to do so. These shaming attitudes have kept wives afraid to leave even an abusive or cheating husband. I have seen the church alienate an abused wife for leaving her husband, while never confronting the husband for his abusive behaviors.
Women have been taught that God wants them to submit to the men in their lives. How far does that go? At what point can a woman stand up for herself? It’s part of the cycle of abuse: that you continue to keep the victim believing they are worthless and don’t deserve any better. Add to that the notion that this is what God wants, and many women never break free from the abusive patriarchal church.
This abusive male church has convinced many women that they are the best thing out there. “Men outside the church will treat you worse” is one of the lies that keeps the system in place. This is part of the myth that Christian men objectify women less than men outside the church do. This is quite simply not the case.
I have listened to young Christian men blame the Christian females around them for every “impure” thought they have. “Her shirt is too tight.” “There is writing across her chest.” “She is wearing lace, and that just makes me think of underwear.” And on and on it goes.
Women are asked to walk an impossibly narrow line between keeping themselves pleasing and attractive, while not causing the men around them to “stumble” into bad thoughts. The greater burden of purity rests on the females. Men are more easily forgiven for their stumbles, but a fallen woman is another story. I have heard phrases like “damaged goods” used. If that does not objectify women, then I don’t know what does. I would argue that placing a large portion of a woman’s value on whether or not she is a virgin is more objectifying to women than even porngraphy, or at least as much so.
To women in the church I say this: you have intrinsic value. You are equal to men. You are smart. You are capable. You do not have to live in a world of limitations. There is nothing wrong with being a feminist. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. You do not have to pretend to be less than you are.
I say to you, don’t settle. I say keep your standards high for how you will and will not be treated. If you find a church where you can live this way and continue to practice your faith, then you are fortunate. If your church is abusive and it’s time to leave, trust me that you will be okay. I got out. I married outside the church and found a man who was truly a feminist and an intellectual and he treats me better than any “ church guy” ever did. There is hope, so be strong and don’t be afraid. Leaving your church doesn’t mean a life of being alone.
